it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
