I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Two words: nipple clamps
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