Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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