he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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