Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize