Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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