i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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