I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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