It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
