I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
