I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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