You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
