dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
