How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
