I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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