i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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