i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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