He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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