Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize