My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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