I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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