I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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