I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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