people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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