Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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