i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize