God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
