how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
