every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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