just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
