I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
