Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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