How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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