At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
