I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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