im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
