Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
