Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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