never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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