How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
