it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize