don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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