my mouth tastes like poor choices
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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