turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
