dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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