Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
