So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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