If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
