im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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