So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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