next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
