It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
