i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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