Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
