Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
