So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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