I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
