he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
