After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
