Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The best revenge is premature balding
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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