the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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