yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
