dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
