made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
