you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
