Will you blow on my dice?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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