...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
