Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
