Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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