So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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