How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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