I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
