come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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