I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
