what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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