I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
