one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
