Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
