I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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