she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize