I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
