3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're too hungover to prance.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
