I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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