it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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