the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I faked an abortion last night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
