If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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