you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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